11.17.09»VINTAGE CLASSIC VS. NEW CLASSIC BARS

Since the ladies of LUPEC (Ladies United for the Preservation of Endangered Cocktails)* are at heart a vintage cocktail organization, we decided that our Six Shooter tour would pit three vintage bars with classic cocktails against three new bars slinging the classics. Points were given for drinks, service and atmosphere. Most of us piled into a minivan with a suicide door (our designated driver Bravo Torro warned us that it could fly open at any moment, so we sagely buckled up and kept our purses on the far side) and headed out.

* Some of the girls name themselves after cocktails. And they had a gang of drinks. Stay with us.


6:00 p.m.
Gaetano’s (Vintage)
3760 Tejon St

Drink: Sidecar
Drinker: Cuba Libre
Comments: “Truly respectable.” “Fresh lemon juice.”

Drink: Old-Fashioned
Drinkers: Vamp & Pomeranian
Comments: “I miss the orange.” “It's different with a lemon.”

Drink: Moscow Mule
Drinker: Moscow Mule
Comment: “No copper mug, but the drink's OK.”

Drink: Harvey Wallbanger
Drinker: Paddy’s Girl
Comments: “Delish! My new favorite cocktail!”

Drink: Limon Rickey
Drinker: Italian Stinger
Comments: “Absolutely delicious!”

Drink: Sazerac Cocktail
Drinker: Tom Collins
Comments: “Very nice! The absinthe is a touch stronger than expected."

Drink: Limoncello
Drinker: Bee’s Knees
Comments: “Homemade in the basement; drink it straight!”

Formerly owned by Denver’s mafia family, the Smaldones, Gaetano’s is old-school charm at its finest. The bar is dark, cozy and you can practically still smell the cologne of the wiseguys who used to frequent the place. GM Kurt introduced the ladies to our fresh-faced, mustachioed bartender Ian, informing us that he’s a bit new, but capable. Kurt knew we’d be good for his education. We picked a few favorites from the stellar menu and started running Ian through his paces. The Moscow Mule had decided to try her namesake at every stop; she was disappointed by the lack of a copper mug, and wasn’t satisfied with the drink, either.

When the Pomeranian and I received our Old-Fashioneds, we’d forgotten that they’re traditionalists at Gaetano's and go with the original recipe ,while we prefer the sweeter, post-prohibition version with an orange. However, the rest of the cocktails were spot-on delicious and Cuba Libre commented that she really enjoyed being served by a bartender with a good mustache. All in all, a good start, and a point for Vintage Bars.

7:30 p.m.
LoHi SteakBar (New)
3200 Tejon Street
Price range per drink: $5-$8

Drink: Ginger Gimlet
Drinker: The Vamp, Italian Stinger, Bee’s Knees
Comments: “Smooth and tasty.” “Surprisingly drinkable.”

Drink: Moscow Mule
Drinker: Moscow Mule
Comment: “Yay! Copper mug! Gold star!”

Drink: Banana Daquiri
Drinker: Cuba Libre, Zombie
Comments: “Nice to have real banana instead of a liqueur.” “Hint: squeeze the lime.”

Drink: Southern Spice
Drinker: Pomeranian
Comments: “Tastes like Christmas!! Well made!”

Drink: Infused Manhattan
Drinker: Paddy’s Girl
Comments: “Quite the punch. Nice for a winter’s night.”

Went to LoHi thinking they had a more traditional cocktail menu, but instead they had some new spins on the classics, so we embraced it. What we did not embrace was our prickly waitress, Alisa. Yes, a dozen LUPEC ladies hitting you when the bar is already packed can be overwhelming, but honey, I’ve been there, and while you can think nastymean thoughts about your customers, it should never show in the way you treat them, or in your face. Especially not your face.

We tried to look past Alisa’s bad attitude and placed our order. Ordering duplicates of each other’s drinks let us test the consistency of the bar- the Ginger Gimlets were spot on, but the two banana daiquiris couldn’t have been more different in taste and texture. Everyone loved the cushy stools, the good design and warm space, but it was hard to concentrate. There were easily as many people in Gaetano’s as LoHi, but apparently they knew how to buffer noise better in the old days, because LoHi was LOUD. We finished up as quickly as possible both to get away from the sound and Alisa’s stink eye. Not a good start for the "new classic" bars.

8:15 p.m.
My Brother’s Bar
2376 15th St
Cocktail price range: $5-$7

Drink: Stranahan’s Old-Fashioned
Drinker: Bee’s Knees, Cuba Libre
Comment: “Stranahan’s should be served straight up or on the rocks.”

Drink: Maker’s Mark Old-Fashioned
Drinkers: The Vamp, Pomeranian
Comment: “A perfect Old-Fashioned.”

Drink: Vodka Collins
Drinkers: Italian Stinger
Comment: “Reliably solid and drinkable.”

Drink: Harvey Wallbanger
Drinker: Paddy’s Girl
Comment: “Pleasant, but not comparable to Gaetano's.”

For those of us who had only quaffed pints at Brother’s, the big questions was: does Brother’s do classic cocktails? Cuba Libre called ahead: “If a group of ladies come in and order classic cocktails, can you handle it?” They said, essentially, “Bring it on.” So we did.

The Moscow Mule was horrified when our friendly and fabulous server, Allison, told her they didn’t have her signature drink, so she just sulkily dug in to a burger. Paddy’s Girl learned the important lesson that not all Harvey Wallbangers are created equal (or as good as Gaetano's).

At my corner of the table, Cuba Libre, Pomeranian, Bee’s Knees and I created our own showdown-within-a-showdown: Stranahan’s vs. Maker’s Mark in an Old-Fashioned-off. Brother’s sticks with the post-prohibition recipe, and the cocktails were the same in every way (except the whiskey) but the Maker's cocktail was the clear winner. As Cuba Libre said, “It’s not the bartender’s fault. Stranahan's is not an Old-Fashioned whiskey.” True. Stranahan’s does well in a Manhattan or any other mostly whiskey drink, but in an Old-Fashioned, the subtle taste gets lost in the mix. Frankly, the stuff is really best on ice or neat. And as the girls who bottled Stranahan's batch number 42, we would know.

9:00 p.m.
The Cruise Room (Vintage)
1600 17th St
Cocktail Price Range: $10-$13

Drink: Mandelicious
Drinker: Paddy’s Girl, Cuba Libre
Comments: “Interesting.” “Sweet and full; thought it would be lighter.”

Drink: Dirty Vodka Martini
Drinker: Bee’s Knees, Moscow Mule
Comments: “Yum.”

Drink: Dirty Vodka Martini w/hand stuffed blue cheese olives
Drinker: Italian Stinger, The Vamp
Comment: “Stinky cheese and vodka is kinda my new favorite thing.”

The Cruise Room would have pushed the vintage bars closer to the win regardless, but the fact that their extraordinary bartender, Lisa, was holding court really added on the extra points. Not only was she nice enough to split our checks and our cocktails without asking or blinking an eye (the Cruise cocktails come with the shaker, and there’s plenty for two) the Pomeranian observed her, “...eyeballing amounts instead of using a jigger. Amazing to watch!”

The Cruise Room truly puts the class in classic! Lisa chatted us up about our plans for the night, intrigued by the versus idea, mentioning that The Cruise and our next stop, Stueben’s, had a friendly rivalry, and (a little smugly) dropped the fact that one of Steuben’s bartenders had been in just the night before, sampling The Cruise’s goods. The Cruise also makes high marks for not only perfecting the classics, but reinventing them. Their specialty cocktail menu lists a mix of old and new, and they’re all worth trying. The Mandelicious features Canton Ginger Liqueur, the same cognac-based liqueur the LoHi used in their Ginger Gimlet, and after sampling both, we all started plotting how to add one of those gorgeous bottles to our home bars.

10:00 p.m.
Steuben’s (new)
523 E 17th Ave.
Cocktail Price Range: $6-$10

Drink: Dark & Stormy
Drinker: Paddy’s Girl
Comment: “Yummy. A dark cousin of the Moscow Mule.”

Drink: Moscow Mule
Drinker: Moscow Mule
Comment: “Best in Show!”

Drink: Sidecar
Drinker: Cuba Libre
Comment: “Well balanced”

Drink: Brown Sugar Apple Manhattan
Drinker: The Vamp
Comment: “Lovely and fall-ish.”

Drink: Bee’s Knees
Drinker: Bee’s Knees & Italian Stinger
Comment: “This is my favorite drink in town.”

By this point, those of us not DDing were getting drunk, as evidenced by the reviews of both the gals drinking Bee’s Knees: “Tastes like a bee’s pair of knees if you ate a bee and it didn’t sting you, for real, seriously.” And: “I need my allergy meds, but it’s so delicious.”

We were also all a little over-delighted to find out that our bartender, Courtney, is not only the girlfriend of Ian, the mustachioed gin-slinger at Gaetano’s, but is also the bartender who was hanging at The Cruise with Lisa the night before. “Everything’s connected.” we said, like a bunch of drunken hippies. It was probably the state we’d arrived at, but this seemed like the best time of any of the bars. The Moscow Mule was so good it drew applause, Courtney fascinated us with her magical ability to stencil designs on egg white froth with bitters, the light seemed prettier than any other bar and we all seemed to be smiling more. Alcohol really is good for a good time.

Courtney made an extra Sidecar (my favorite drink) to practice her stenciling and Cuba Libre and I were extremely impressed that although she made it about 20 minutes after the first, the two Sidecars were completely consistent. That’s great bartending.

11:30 p.m.
Jonesy’s Eatbar
400 E 20th Ave
Cocktail Price Range: $6-$8

Drink: Hot Buttered Pumpkin Rum
Drinker: The Vamp, Bee’s Knees
Comment: “This is everything I love about fall! Encore!”

Drink: Hot Chai Tea
Drinker: Paddy’s Girl
Comment: “Cool, yummy holiday drink."

Drink: Gingerbread Spiced Martini
Drinker: Moscow Mule
Comment: “Good for the holidays!”

Drink: Autumn Apple Cooler
Drinker: Italian Stinger
“Refreshing and crisp.”

Drink: Maker’s Old-Fashioned
Drinker: Cuba Libre
Comment: “Brother’s is better”

Also sampled: House-made Cherry Brandy and Old-Chub aged in Stranahan’s barrels.

I think our DDs were over carting us around, but we had to finish this thing, so we ignored them and forged on, taking over a booth in the back room and diving into Jonesy’s fall menu, sort of forgetting about our mission as we were lured in by cocktails with names that sounded like candle scents (but tasted much better). I personally love all the flavors of fall, and after my Roasted Apple Manhattan at Steuben’s, I couldn’t resist the Hot Buttered Pumpkin Rum, which tasted like a glass of warm pumpkin pie. I know I was fairly blasted by this point, because while I remember the taste of everything I sampled that night, I only know my drink tasted like pumpkin pie because that’s what I wrote down.

Cuba Libre was better than us all and stuck to the path, ordering a Maker’s Manhattan, which she found lacking (sucker- should have indulged with the rest of us!). To the Moscow Mule's credit, she tried, but there was no ginger beer to be found in the place. To top it all off, the lovely Anne, our server, brought us samples of incredible house-made cherry brandy and a hefty glass of Old-Chub aged in Stranahan's barrels: thick, delicious stuff. Our mission complete, we climbed into the Minivan of Awesomeness and floated home on the waves of all we had consumed.

When the fog and my brown bottle flu cleared late the next day, I weighed the points, and the vintage bars won, mostly because The Cruise Room was top-heavy with drink and service points (thanks to Lisa) and LoHi was scraping the bottom owing to their atmosphere and service.

Lessons learned about my fellow LUPEC ladies on this voyage:
• Purse hangers get extra points
• Well-priced drinks get extra points (none of the drinks were over $10, except at The Cruise Room, but those were twice as big)
• We get louder and funnier the more we drink (and feel free to talk about anything from bartering blowjobs with husbands to whether or not we want kids)
• We’ve no boundaries and are willing to share germs in the name of drink tasting (I think everyone tasted everyone else’s drink at every stop)
• We know a lot about cocktails; we’re honest and opinionated; and we're really, really lovely girls.